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Wednesday, 9 December 2015

Ohh Brother!

Ohh Brother!
I do not remember the way you pulled my pig tails,
Or told about my new boy friends,
 I do not remember your tantrums,
 As day by day you fell a prey to the devil in your head,
Who would not let you be what you really were.

Day by day you walked away from me,
Your world was no longer mine,
Nor I yours or you mine.

I do not remember the violent tremors that shook your body,
As needles pierced your brain,
There alone on a hospital bed of Loonies,
I said , this too shall pass,
And you will be back home one day strumming your violin or painting the wall,
With colours of the rainbow.

Again we would argue about things of no consequence really,
And I would pretend to cry and you would tease me.

 I heard that you were not interested anymore in medicines,
That you threw them out,
In a surreptitious way,
We willed you to be normal,
 You escaped into your private hell,
Where voices tormented you,
And sleep sneaked away from you forever,
 You thought , if only I could sleep,
The night would not bother me,
Or the shadows on the walls close up on me,
You shrieked all those curses at the blank night,
And pounded your head on the window which would not open.

I do not remember all this.

Only your mischievous boyish smile,
Only your running after me on your toddlers toes,
Only your calling out to me, Nani , hold me tight,
I remember
Only your dancing in my wedding procession
I remember
Only your excitement at the arrival of my first-born
I remember
Only the smile spreading wide on your sunlit face one day as he called out to you MAMU
I remember
 I will always remember
O my Brother.

By : Meera Panigrahi

P.S: This post is written in the remembrance of the brother who is no more! 

devil in your head--rebellion--drugs--suspecting each one